Caustic

 I should be working on my Maori homework. After all, we do have an assessment today.The teacher always goes through what will be in the test beforehand though, so, I figure, what’s the point? Of course, were I the teacher I would do that to lull the whole class into a false sense of security then 6-7 months in, bam! Pop quiz on every single thing we’ve ever learned ever!!(because I also forget immediately after an assessment what I’ve just been assessed on)! But then, given the chance, I would also make the answer to all questions in a multi choice test ‘B’. That’d freak them right out. *cackles to self* It’s probably a good thing I’m not in the business of teaching… No Miss Honey I! 
 

Anyways, instead of aforementioned homework/test prep I am eating peanut butter out of the jar and pondering the word caustic. It’s a good word: capable of burning, corroding, or destroying living tissue according to Dictionary.com, not to be pretentious (*characterised by assumption of dignity or importance, especially when exaggerated or undeserved) or tiresome (annoying or vexatious) by quoting dictionary definitions.I met a caustic person the other day. Actually, I’d met them before, but they came across my path again. Not in a dramatic high-noon sort of situation where we declared that the room wasn’t big enough for the both of us while nervously fumbling for our weapons (luckily I’m a girl else that might have sounded dodgy!). No, just an ordinary old scenario:            The curtain rises on a room with a large wooden table around which are assembled leather padded swivel chairs. Seated on these, and conspicuously not swivelling, are an array of people, most of who are listening politely to the youngest person at the foot of the table...

Me: A point about the reason we are all here in general and why I am here in particular.

Caustic Person: I will dismiss what you have just said and do it with a smile at the people across the table to show that I am in control.

Me: Repetition of above point *with hand gestures designed to look impressive but in reality more likely to look helpless*

Caustic Person: And, on to more important matters.

Me: ….

At this point I was furious. Also deflated. But mostly angry.  How dare they treat what I had to say so dismissively when that was the main reason we had been collected together!? And with a patronising smile as though I was a little girl throwing my toys???(it should be noted at this point that if I'd had any toys I definitely would have thrown them, and I have very good aim as my poor brother can attest)?? For those who know me, I have a very slow temper (well, not with my family… But it’s bad to bottle up and they have no say as to whether or not they're my family!), but when it gets going you'd better watch out!!! Ok, I usually internalise it and become bitter. But then, eventually, I snap. That means at some point, somewhere, someone will be the recipient of my rather, I think, cutting tongue.

 

It had been a rough few weeks what with my boyfriend leaving the country (not, as some of you might have thought (and very cheeky indeed of you to have done so!) to get away from me, but because of a scholarship to be paid back in work for two years), work stresses, not having my cat etc etc etc (a story for another time), I was pretty much at snapping point. Which, had Caustic Person been looking at me, they would have noticed in the flashing of my eyes, set of my mouth, and no doubt the flaring of my nostrils.

What's a girl to do? Sourced from disney.wikia.com

Instead of snapping though, the word 'caustic' popped into my brain to describe their behaviour. And I was pleased. So much so that I smiled at them in return. Which received a rather satisfyingly astonished look. Which in turn widened my smile. I definitely would have resembled the Cheshire Cat. Slighltly less purple of course.

All in all it was a very gratifying experience. It's lucky I've got the attention span of a two year old and that I like words so much. And mentally high five myself whenever I think I've thought of a particularly good one. I hope that whenever I see this particular Caustic Person I will remain on my self-congratulatory cloud and be impervious to any caustic or unctuous (another great word!!) behaviour on his part. 

And with all that off my chest, here’s to hoping I’m the only one sadistic enough to lull students into a false sense of security!

*Dictionary.com must be American and spelled this with a ‘z’. I took the liberty of making it UK/South African/New Zealand etc English